When scripture tells us to bear with one another it does not mean ‘tolerate’ or put up with each other! God requires a far more positive approach to our relationships.
A quick comparison of fingerprints or DNA shows we are all unique. Thankfully there is probably only one person on earth like me – and I’m it! But uniqueness carries a problem. We expect others to be like us. We know we are different, but when we bump into that difference – or as is more likely, when it bumps into us – we still get upset.
We must learn to bear with each other on several levels. Firstly, our personality. This is who we are rather than what we do. Some like crowds, others solitude. Some think out loud, others internally. Some like order, others like flexibility… and so on. Personality is about preference rather than values.
Secondly is our character. This is about values. It is what we become. Our character is shaped by time, experience and circumstance, and most importantly, our choices. A person’s character, and particularly when it is poor character, can require a lot more grace on the part of others.
But there’s a third aspect to bearing with each other. This is the area of what we do with who we are – how we use our personality and character. Words and actions, and sometimes the lack of these, can mean having to exercise a lot of grace, patience, and sometimes forgiveness. Bearing with others can be costly and painful.
We are all on a journey that hopefully leads towards personal transformation; becoming more like Jesus. Let’s cut each other some slack along the way. We need to learn patience, to be understanding, empathetic (feel what the other person is going through). And we need to be fighting for rather than against each other. God bears us up and carries us along. He forgives and restores us. And he asks that we do the same – to forgive grievances, get over offence, and let love cover a multitude of sins. Only then can we become a community that demonstrates his ways on earth.
That’s easy to say but somewhat harder to do… particularly if there is a bit of painful history involved, or if someone is quite different from us. We can say we accept one other but if that’s done with plastic smiles and hollow words then it has little value in Kingdom terms. In God’s Kingdom there is no distinction in age, gender, race, cultural preferences, or social standing. All are one in Christ Jesus. That doesn’t mean these distinctions are unimportant. But it does mean that acceptance is not based on them. And though this instruction was about believers accepting each other irrespective of such differences, it also spills over and affects how we accept those who do not yet know Jesus personally.
We accept one another as Christ accepted us. And his acceptance leaps all boundaries and barriers to open wide heaven’s gates to all who respond to his love. In his story about the Prodigal, Jesus tells of the Father welcoming his wayward son back home. Father's love was NOT conditional on how well the son had done or even what he said by way of excuse or explanation. Quite the opposite. Father loved and accepted him despite how the lad had lived. The fact the son had made it to the farm boundary was sufficient for the father run out to greet him, to renew and restore him to the family.
Acceptance is a grace; an unearned favour. We accept each other not because we deserve it but simply because we are all God’s kids. And good parents know how important it is to accept their child unconditionally. Accepting others does not mean we agree with bad behaviour or condone sin. But it does mean we provide a spiritual home, a place of refuge and safety where relationships matter more than rules, and where broken lives can be made whole.
Our goal must be to become a truly welcoming, accepting community of faith that believes in the transforming power of God. To belong is the first step to that transformation. How people behave and what they believe must flow from the security of that belonging. We belonged to God long before the mess in our life was sorted out. So too, our church must be a place where mess is okay, where broken people are welcome, and where the hurting can meet their Healer. It must be a place where the ultimate goal is transformation not conformation, and where radical change flows from the inside out rather than through modifying behaviour to simply fit in.
People who honour one another understand the true value of every person and therefore shape their words and actions, their responses and reactions accordingly. They build up rather than tear down. They affirm and encourage, rather than discourage. They enhance and edify, and help each other rise to full stature in Christ.
True value is established by God, not man. At the creation of humanity he said, “This is very good.” And although we all fall far short of his glory, there remains within us the image of God. So in our dealings with one another, as a bare minimum we must honour his image within us; even when a person hurts or mistreats us, rejects or dishonours us.
To dishonour someone is to dishonour God – or at least the image of God within them. The same goes when we dishonour ourselves through sin and shameful acts. We dishonour the Lord himself. Therefore, to honour God requires that we reconsider how we treat each other and those around us. The apostle John wrote that for us to say we love God whom we can’t see whilst hating our brother who we can see make us a liar. So too with honour. Our honour of God must be demonstrated on earth through our honouring one another.
[Further Reading: Philippians 2:1-11, Luke 14:7-14, Prov 15:33 & 18:12, Romans 12:10, 1 Tim 5:17]
“Knowledge is power”, so the saying goes. Some people are fearful of it whilst others use it to control. In the early church some claimed to have ‘secret knowledge’ that they used to elevated themselves above the rest. But Jesus, himself the source of all knowledge, rebuked those who did this. He has made truth plain and freely accessible to all, irrespective of age, race, gender, intelligence or social and religious status. His teaching was to enable, not to impress, to empower not suppress.
When he sat with his disciples on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) and taught them the ways of his Kingdom, he was not out to expand their academic knowledge or to give them an advantage over others. He was calling them to a new way of living; a higher way, his way. Too often Christian teaching aims at imparting knowledge rather than transforming lives. The measure of Christian maturity has never been about how much bible knowledge we have. It is and always will be about how we put that knowledge into action in our life and enable others to do the same.
We are told in Colossians 3:15-17 to teach and admonish one another. We are to help each other grow up in God to be all he wants us to be. And in that sense we are all teachers; examples to those around us. But as teachers, we must also be students – lifelong learners. And that requires a humility of spirit and a willingness to learn from whomever and whatever the Lord allows to cross our path.
It is true that much about God, his Kingdom and eternity remain a mystery to us. But in Jesus we see the Kingdom and the ways of God made accessible. And in him we have the high calling to pass what we learn on to others freely and in a manner they can understand. Let us teach and admonish each other so that we may all benefit from the grace and truth of God.
Have you noticed how special it is to be in the presence of a true encourager? There is something renewing, uplifting and enabling about such people. Any child who grows up in such an environment normally goes on to do great things in life. The power encouragement means encouragers help positively shape the future for those fortunate enough to know them.
Barnabas was one such person. He believed in young Saul through the trying years when the church was highly suspicious of this fresh convert. Saul (whom we know as Apostle Paul) had persecuted the early church. Suddenly he was preaching Christ. And Barnabas, with a heart for misfits and the misunderstood, tucked him under his wing and enabled him to rise to full stature in Christ.
Encouragement is empowerment. It breathes courage into a person or situation. It flows from faith and believes the best. It turns possibilities into probabilities, and opens opportunities where emptiness might otherwise exist.
A church family that learns how to encourage one another will know no bounds in what it can achieve. It becomes the ideal environment into which the Holy Spirit can bring new life, birth new believers, and bestow blessings that no human wish nor will power could possible conceive nor achieve. It lifts us into a whole new dimension of fruitfulness. And why shouldn’t it? After all, God is the greatest encourager of all.
For further reading: Acts 4:36; Hebrews 10:19-25; Acts 14:21-23; Romans 12:6-8; Romans 15:4-6; Hebrews 12:5-6; 1 Thes 2:11-12; 1Thes 5:9-13
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